Instincts? Yes, Instincts.

I am increasingly fascinated by the things that Lily does without any instruction, like the tongue action in the above video - a more pronounced, comical version of her newborn "hunger cues". It is amazing that she came out of the womb able to nurse and that she can now move her tongue like this to draw in some of the food that will inevitably be all over her face. There are a hundred things in between her birth and this and to come that remind me of instincts. At times, I feel like I dont know what the in the world I am doing, and I catch myself subconciously waiting for my mom to swoop in and take over (with an encouraging "good try honey"), because she is, after all, a REAL mother. :)

Mostly though, I am sane - despite my recent lack of sleep - and can remind myself to listen to what my instincts (a.k.a. gut, a.k.a. still, small voice?) are telling me. For example, we have had a terrible time with sleeping through the night recently. Lily was able to do this at 3 months and kept it up until about 5 months, but something happened and sleeping has gotten progressively worse until I reached an exhausted breaking point earlier this week and called my "lactation consultant". We worked through her "lack of schedule" and eating/nursing habits, and we decided that Lily wasnt getting enough calories in the day, to make a long, complicated story short and simple.

The funny thing about this is...I already knew (subconsciously) what the problem was, but for some reason, I just needed someone else to tell me.

I have learned this lesson, again: I need to be confident in the blood that runs in my veins and confident in the air I breathe. I have many generations of good mothers and strong women in my family tree, and an endless supply of admirable parents literally at my fingertips (my mother, my mother-in-law, all of our grandmothers, aunts and extended family galore, Jen, Yendra, Beth...to name a few), and I need to remember that their blood is the same as mine, and that the air I breathe is the same as theirs.

Of course, there is a place for lactation consultants, instructional books, internet forums, and baby products out the wazoo. But truth be told, I already have the skills and knowledge in me to take care of Lily, and my guess is: all mothers do.